Thought Disorder

Monday, July 28, 2008

I officially wave the white flag - I'm going to give up studying CSC and Chem because I know that I'm so screwed and I will totally screw up like crazy tomorrow. Same goes for Math and Econs on Wed. Basic intuition tells me that these two days aren't going to be smooth-sailing. Usually such intuition is true. This is just like a mini CTs which I'm Fing unprepared for. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail...but perhaps miracles can happen. Like real. A major part of me is telling me that everything's going to be so bad and I should just accept fate because it's inevitable, anyway. A small part of me is fuelling my stuyding process. Unproductive studying though I hate cramming I hate cramming I hate cramming what good does it do. Ultimately I don't benefit and I still screw up like crazy! ): But does it matter altogether? Yes, and somehow, no. Now back to slipshod muggin' I go, I will survive this.

10:41 PM

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I've been stuck doing CSC assignment for the past few hours because I hate thinking and I like to look for immediate answers online. Unfortch, I searched the relevant words on Baidu and there wasn't anything at all. So yeah, time to put on thinking cap! Something which I wasn't born with. Ahh and the Chinese foreign affairs web pages are making me dizzy because the font is so small and there are so many words everywhere...Help!

Teachers are so evil. They know that we have many many tests next week but they still give us so much homework for the weekend! How to study for test then! ):

Next week is going to be crazy - four tests lumped into 2 days and I'm like status quo. Haven't started mugging for CSC and Econs, and I'm half-hanging for Chem and Math.

But some part of me is telling me to heck care. I mean, not get overly stressed and anxious over these tests. Can I?

I'd like to sleep but I need to mug. I'd like to go for Daughtry's concert tomorrow but I desperately need to mug.

(I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO CSC ASSIGNMENT AT ALL OTHER THAN GIVING DEFINITIONS OF KEY TERMS)

11:49 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Let bygones be bygones, I hope.

When I wake up the next morning, I'll clean forget about this matter and everything will be the same again. Minus the dislike.

What was I thinking? I erupted just like that. Like, freaking emotional, freaking anger outburst. For some reason I can't particularly point my finger at. I'm human and I need to react to external forces! And stand up for my morals!

This is extremely unprecedented in my entire life - today is the first. It will be the last. Thinking about this matter makes my head spin and hurt like crazy. It's probably some area of my life I wouldn't dare trespass. And I've crossed that boundary today. I've never told someone in his/her face before about what negative points I felt about that person. (I mean my whole point was illustrated by my actions and words just now, gosh)

If this was the real working world, I'd probably die of horror.

11:25PM

10:56 PM

OH MY GOD I'm so angry!!! What the heck!

FYI I got super pissed off by some irritating grouch that I've been tolerating for months. And because I've no choice I've to tolerate such a fucking grouch, I'm in such an wonderful predicament now. If you're so good then why don't you do it by yourself in the first place?

5:10 PM

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Oh man.

What I did today: Slept from 12.30 am to 12pm. Ate till 2pm and studied till 3 + pm. Watched tv, fell asleep till 6.30pm. And ate durians just now.

Need to start mugging! ):

Tennis is really addictive. This thought was triggered by what Yiwei said. I vaguely remember being extremely addicted to the sport end of last year when I first started learning it. Although I sucked, but I looked forward to every session because I thought it was so so so fun and thrilling. I think Yiwei is at this stage that I was previously. At the start of the year, the addiction dropped to an average. (This can be visibly observed as more and more people start to pon trainings) There was this period of time where my forehand strokes sucked so badly. Tennis was so screwed up. Now, after much improvements with weekly/twice-a-week trainings, it has start to pick up. Trainings are just for me to improve more and better enjoy the game. (and thrash people muahaha) I could stay back after mass PE/training days to play till 7pm before heading home, neglecting homework and abandoning precious sleep. That's how addictive tennis is. And, it burns a lot of calories :D If you play a proper game, that is. (meaning not picking balls most of the time)

K anyway I stink of durian and need to go do CSC's extremely crap homework. Oh I don't know what's happening now.

11:17 PM

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Haha is anyone nice enough to get me a pair of Jack Purcells I've been wanting them for the longest time. Pretty expensive for canvas shoes I reckon! ):

ANYWAY IM SO TIRED I WILL GO CLOCK IN. RIGHT NOW.

11:26 PM

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

EXTREMELY exhausted today. I dragged myself out of bed this morning and slept while I showered. While blowing my hair dry, I fell asleep too. The feeling of being able to drop dead into sleep the second you close your eyes is enjoyable and peaceful. School was a total bore - I became extremely distracted during Chem lecture because the content was hell boring and the blu-tack was much more interesting. It's an elastic blue piece of sticky matter for all you know. Come to think of it, the week's passing rather quickly. Friday is approaching just after tomorrow. It's probably due to the testless weeks and the lax on my personal homework schedule. Term 3 gives me an awkward feeling. I think it's because of the absence of the crazy continuous weeks of tests? Lo and behold, our first test for this entire term starts on Week 6. Pretty weird actually because we usually spend most of the time engulfed in tests...but not now. The feeling's awesome though :D Who likes having tests every week?!

Teenage angst.

8:22 PM

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

It's probably the aftereffects of the cough medicine.

I'm feeling extremely sapped of energy, not to mention extremely sleepy.

Guess what? I'm on PW again. Emailing everyone is no joke - first we need to look for potential interviews, then we need to send everyone individual emails to ask for an interview. Then we patiently wait for replies. Some reply while others don't. Some only reply a few days later. Later we hold a meeting and decide that we need to interview a wider range of people. We need to have more opinions on our ideas. And that means more nights spent doing PW.

Well, truth to be told, this is the first time in the year that I feel like I'm rushing PW. Have always taken it easy because our progress has been rather steady. That is, at the start. Today, it's the total opposite. ZZZZZZ. We know we love PW to bits. Is it truly beneficial? Or is it just a straw of large radius - it sucks our time and it sucks. (Pun intended)

Oh well, we need to be optimistic to get an A. If we weigh the situation, we should spend more time on PW now since we're going to be assessed this year, and the grades are going to be in our final result slip. So, it should be a wise decision made on my part. Chiong PW!!!

10:39 PM

Monday, July 14, 2008

I'm srsly lagging behind homework now like whenever I get home I'll just switch the computer on to check for interview request replies! (To think that someone commented that I was inefficient. Getting them to reply is a tough job alright!) And I'll just be stuck on the computer for the rest of the time till I clock in. That is, if I reach home at night, which I do most of the time.

Ahh, screams.

Did you read The Sunday Times yesterday? There was a feature article on the two national disability sport events on, I think, page 8? It struck me real bad when I found out that several disabled athletes I'd previously saw at both events were involved in bad road accidents that left them paralysed body-down. What the capriciousness of life does to humans is indeed unpredictable. Imagine the setting in of long-term depression, knowing that you'll never be able to be normal ever again.

10:52 PM

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Red in the face

The sun today was perfectly hot, perfectly glaring. The clouds were thick but did nothing to obstruct the sun's rays from beating upon our backs.

But I still survived the day! SDSC's National Track and Field Championship 2008 was much more interesting than the swimming championship from last week. I'm, again, completely amazed at how the disabled people can do sport just like the average Joe. There are so many talents within them waiting to be unearthed by the public's eye. And even not, many finish last but they are still victorious with smiles aplenty because what matters is not winning, but completing the race. The look of pure happiness on their faces signifies how important they view life. And it signifies how unimportant we view life to be, when we are able to do what most of the world can't, by receiving an education and being given so many opportunities in life. And we take most of the things for granted, while some others are struggling to become normal people. They did not even choose the type of lives they want, it was all decide by some other supreme power. Is it fair in the first place?

I'm fortunate to be able to go to school, and to be able to attend mass PE every Tuesday. I'm glad that I can play tennis, run around when I'm bored, and run after the bus in order to catch it.

But that doesn't mean that I don't hate school and mass PE.

9:14 PM

Friday, July 11, 2008

Omg I truly want to thank Weixun for emailing most of the CCO concert organisers for me asking if they want to accept my interview for PW : D Some have given me the nod (yay!) while others have not replied. Well it's really going to save my PW group yay yay. It's the season to chiong PW. While I contemplate about my upcoming weeks in school, I often wonder how I'm going to survive them. 10 weeks to Promos! It'll all pass in a wink of an eye. Have to juggle everything from this point all. (Go me I can do it but I know I'll die from immense craziness)

The question lingers in my mind. I hope Fate is a nice character that will enable me to defeat the odds! I really need the luck now.

Anyway tennis was fun today - I like playing with Qian! (: She's naturally talented I reckon. Felt that I'd gotten over that long, disturbing period of bad forehand strokes and am starting to improve for the better! Going to try and work even harder now to play the game to my fullest.

10:57 PM

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Oh no I'm supposed to be rushing out econs article now but I am lazing around. (I hate this time of the month where I've to dig like crazy for some relevant article and spent tons of hours analysing it) The at-home syndrome: don't feel like doing anything...I should just go use the computer or sleep.

It's 30 days to the Olympics. (Go go China FTW but I still hate lunwen and dread csc lessons tremendously now) I distinctly remember reading on the papers some time back that it was 100 days to the Olympics. This means that 70 days have passed, just like this. Unthinkable! Can't remember what I did in that 70 days that have passed though. Mmm. One-seventh of it was spent performing and touring China. Around 5 + days slouching at home watching dramas. Probably 5 days were spent doing CTs. And perhaps another 10 days mugging for CTs? In between there were days I went for tuition and hung around with friends (mugging) and went to school for activities etc etc I can't remember anymore.

So I guess I've wasted that 70 days in retrospect! [Weird conclusion]
Life is short.

10:40 PM

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Ugh PW woes.

10:37 PM

Sunday, July 06, 2008

27th National Swimming Championship

Happy Youth Day, I spent my entire day on tuitions. Great. & I've passed my sickness to others. Many are now telling me that they're having sore throat and headache. Welcome aboard everyone. Now I'm getting off the ship and going back to my normal world. Hee.

10:44 PM

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Don't wanna forget these two days so I'll keep a record here.

Update on yesterday's event: Sports carnival was awesome even though I didn't participate in any games! Oh but I did this very interesting fringe activity so I actually contributed points to Oryx (^_^) But probably minimal. The matches were exciting and dynamic. Oryx emerged champion eventually - it's similar to a rags to riches story. Really pwnz the other houses man. After being in the sun for hours and hours, almost everyone became either lobster-red or a shade tanner. (Yay I like being tanned!) It was such a great and enjoyable day but sadly, in the words of Nelly Furtado, 'why do all good things have to come to an end'. We all left utterly exhausted, completely sucked of energy, but we left with valuable memories.

So by right, today I'd have to crawl out of bed at 5am in order to reach toa payoh at 7. As usual, I woke up 1.5 hours late (seems like a habit of mine) and only managed to reach toa payoh at 8 + am. Most of the volunteers were there already, and so Ft and I immediately started work. So yeah time passed pretty quickly at the start and during break time it started to rain heavily. The afternoon session came and rain poured in between but we still manage to clear up by 5pm. What a feat we all deserve a pat on our backs :) I'm srsly amazed at how some of the disabled people can swim so well. Shame on us. They deserve way more pats on the back than us. There should be more public concern and media coverage though...(THIS IS WHEN XPERIENCE COMES IN MUAHAHA) Mm and pub meeting after that.

Yay so the log is done it shall be kept here forever for my future reference.
Tis the season to start mugging and chionging

10:35 PM

Friday, July 04, 2008

Omg I'm srsly back to square one after the sports carnival today! Like okay, no talking for these two days. That's what the doctor said. So yeah, I avoided a whole lot of talking yesterday because I took MC and skipped school, stayed at home and watched videos. Okay yay so I'm on my road to recovery. I was like, alright I'm not going to talk at the sports carnival tomorrow. I'm just going to sit under the sun and stone.

But guess what? I ended up talking so much, despite my voice being so horrible. As time passed, the process of talking made me numb to the sore throat and the bad voice. When I finally got tired and stopped talking, my throat started to ache. Damn it. The entire cycle's going to start again!!! ): Coughing really badly now ughzxzxzx someone please save me. I think the doctor should have prescribed me more medicine to guide me through the stormy seas. Yeah and to think that I'd have to do so much talking tomorrow as a competition steward volunteering at sdsc's national swimming competition. I won't recover soon, I reckon. Need to srsly stay at home to recover because I won't talk to anyone at home!!!

Anyway I've to crawl up at an unearthly 5am tomorrow to make my way to toa payoh swimming complex by 7am. Someone please shoot me I'm not going to make it through the day with this bad voice/sore throat/cough.

HELP ):

10:39 PM

Thursday, July 03, 2008

No talking for these 2 days because I need to rest my voice :) The sore throat's recovering well but the voice is still in a mess. Will I ever get it back? After returning from the clinic this afternoon, I switched on the tv and there was this cartoon that had the title "I want my voice back!". Coincidence?

And I'm going to miss the once-in-a-lifetime Shicheng performance at Esplanade again due to promos starting the next day!! ): ):

Things are just like that. I wished I'd a 2-day MC so I could spare myself from going to the, what?, sports carnival?

9:57 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The Lost Voice

It probably jumped out of my throat and made its mini escapade while I was asleep last night. If you happen to see it, please put a leash on it and drag it back for me so that I can stop being categorised as a 'mute'.

How fatal can one portion of a Long John Silvers' regular fries with cheese get?

Yes, this fatal.

I get to miss mock interview though! (^_^) And I decided that going to school is not a viable option after weighing the pros and cons. I'll be better off visiting the doctor and finding back the lost voice so I can go back to talking normally without having to struggle to put one sentence together. Not forgetting going off-pitch frequently.

Overall, I had a boring day without being able to talk. Come back now you voice!

10:19 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Happy July 2008

Half a year has just passed like that. It means that we're nearing promos (in approx 13 weeks' time) and we're also nearing our ultimate goal. Probably the most momentous events in life that I'll occur, eh? Scary rrrrrr ):

Anyway I've progressed a lot this week.

In chronological order,

Long John Silver's regular fries with cheese -> Dry throat -> Painful sore throat & disgusting phlegm & bad headache -> Painful sore throat & bad headache -> Painful sore throat -> Painful sore throat & distorted voice (is it counted as a loss of voice? it just became more hoarse)

Morale of the story: Do not eat LJS fries pls kthx or risk putting your throat in a desert + sandstorm

On a good note, yaye it's another slack week with learning fest tomorow but look, there's going to be pandemonium from week 3 so let's cherish the slackness while it's there. When it's gone, I'll be cursing, and aiming to survive each week on each and every Monday. May time pass slowly these 3 days. S--L--O--W--L--Y

11:45 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.